Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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