I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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