oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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