like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
