well I can't set my house on fire every night
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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