worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
