That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
