At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
