I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
