You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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