They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
