He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
