i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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