Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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