are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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