The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
