So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
