talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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