guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
