He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
