Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
