That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
