Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
