Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
