Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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