I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
