He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
