Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
