She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
