my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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