You can't motorboat a personality
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
