Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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