Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
