Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
