You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
