I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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