I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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