tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
