im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
