make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
