I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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