My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
