I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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