im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
