Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
