Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
