My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
