Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
