i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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