so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
