Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
