I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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