you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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