At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
